


At the End of This Road (I Might Catch a Glimpse of Me)

by IceBlueRose



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Marvel Cinematic Universe Fusion, Characters from all the Arrowverse shows mentioned, Definitely goes AU from the MCU as well though, F/M, Gen, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 18:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17208728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceBlueRose/pseuds/IceBlueRose
Summary: Decades after Hydra gets their hands on her, Sara Lance manages to break through her programming as the Winter Soldier and sets out to learn more about herself.It's when she remembers murdering Leonard Snart's parents that things take a turn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [newyorkcity_dreaming](https://archiveofourown.org/users/newyorkcity_dreaming/gifts).



> This is so very late but happy birthday, Twin! Sorry it took so long but I hope you like it!

It was a given fact to everyone in Starling City that Sara Lance and Ray Palmer were inseparable. Their friendship had started in 1924 when they were six and little Sara Lance had stepped in to stop Mark Mardon from punching scrawny, asthmatic Ray Palmer. The fact that she’d done so by punching him right back had just been a bonus if you asked Ray. And that was that. From that moment on, Ray and Sara treated each other like they were long lost siblings.

Ray grew up wanting to be a hero. He wanted to be a soldier like his father though inventing and building were among the things he was best at. He wanted to fall in love and get married and have a family but he also wanted to save the world.

Sara had no idea what she wanted to do but she knew what she didn’t want and that was being married off and expected to raise kids. She didn’t even know if she wanted kids. Sometimes, she wondered if she even wanted a man, a thought she kept hidden from everyone but Ray, who hugged her and said he’d love her even if she wanted a woman instead.

_“And if I like both?”_

_Ray smiled and it was the same smile he’d been giving her for over a decade. That smile that said she was silly and he loved her. “Then I guess you get twice the amount of choices than the rest of us.”_

Over the years, she developed a knack for treating Ray’s wounds and helping him with his breathing which led her to nursing as a career. Helping people was something that Sara found she loved even if she sometimes burned with the need to do more. (And if she helped Ray with his inventions in her free time? Well, that was no one’s business but hers and Ray’s.)

The war started and Ray tried to enlist. He was rejected every single time.

Sara decided to enlist and she was accepted as a nurse and a backup mechanic.

On her last night before she shipped out, Sara and Ray went to the Snart Expo with a guy that Sara had had her eye on and a girl that she knew Ray liked. They watched as Lewis Snart’s flying car only stayed off the ground for a few minutes before Sara and her date wandered off, taking Ray’s date with them when he brushed her off in favor of talking with a man that introduced himself as Dr. Henry Stein.

The next time Sara saw Ray, he’d had a serious growth spurt and looked like an all-American jock as he ripped apart the straps that Hydra had used to hold her down while they injected her with some sort of serum.

It was while they were heading back with the rest of the men and women of the 107th that he told her about Dr. Stein working with Lewis Snart on Project Rebirth. He told her about how Snart and Anna Loring had been the ones to fly him out there against orders.

Months passed as they destroyed Hydra base after Hydra base with Sara patching them up when needed and helping rewire anything necessary when Ray couldn’t be in two places at once. Sara learned that Lewis Snart was an asshole (like it hadn’t been obvious from the look on his face when that car of his had died a brutal, brutal death) and he learned how hard she could punch the one and only time he grabbed her ass. She learned that Dr. Stein had died protecting the formula for the serum (the serum that had been bastardized by Hydra and injected into Sara when she’d mouthed off to get their attention off one of the injured soldiers). She learned that Ray was head over heels for Anna and that she was no better (Sara had given her stamp of approval when Anna had looked at Sara and Ray together and had just gotten that there was nothing romantic between them without either of them having to explain it multiple times).

And then they were on the train, going after Zola, Ray furious that she was there at all.

_“It’s just like the bases, Ray.”_

_“It’s not, Sara! I know you can take care of yourself, okay? I know that. I’ve seen you knock down guys twice your size but this is going to be on a damn train filled with Hydra operatives and—“_

_“And if you’re going after Zola, there’s going to be no one that can keep going to make sure nothing goes wrong up front. You can’t be in two places at once, Cap.” She smiled and squeezed his hand. “I’ve got your back. I’m with you, Ray.”_

_His lips twitched before he sighed and finally smiled. “Until the end of the line?”_

_“Until the end of the line.”_

She almost made it. 

The train jolted and she fell, relieved for just a moment when Ray’s hand gripped hers until she realized that her hand was still slipping. She could see the moment that Ray realized it too, saw the horror in his eyes and the way he desperately adjusted his grip on the train so that he could try and pull her back in.

His scream was still ringing in her ears when she crashed into the water below.

~*~*~

Voices.

Machines.

Pain.

Panic.

Screaming.

Russian.

Nothing.

~*~*~

_“Zhelaniye.”_

Sara moaned at the first word, panic already building as she realized what was happening. She needed to move. She needed to get out of here. She needed to find Ray.

_“Rzhavyy.”_

Ray, where was Ray? He’d have come for her if he could have. 

_“Semnadtsat’.”_

Tears began to slowly slip down her face as she screamed.

_“Rassvet.”_

Ray, dead. She couldn’t bear to think of it. They’d sworn up and down that they’d get home to their family because Ray’s parents might be dead but the Lances had always considered him one of their own.

_“Pech’.”_

Oh God, she wanted Laurel. Laurel who was working to show her support for the soldiers back home, who had begged Sara to stay.

_“Devyat’.”_

She was never going to see them again.

_“Dobroserdechnyy.”_

Who? She frowned as she tried to remember what had caused that ache inside. Who was she never going to see again?

_“Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu.”_

She struggled, twisting against the restraints as she fought to hold on to names and faces that she knew meant everything to her.

_“Odin.”_

Who was she though?

_“Gruzovoy vagon.”_

Everything slipped away.

_“Soldat?”_

The Asset fell still, her eyes focusing on her handler.

_“Ya gotov otvechat’.”_

Ready to comply.

~*~*~

Raymond Palmer, Captain America, was a threat to Project Insight. He was to be stopped at all costs so that the mission could be completed.

The Asset had never failed to complete a mission.

She narrowed her eyes as he ducked and danced backwards. She could tell he was holding back, the only thing she didn’t know was why he was holding back. Not that she couldn’t adapt without that information but it would certainly be more efficient.

“Sara,” he gasped, making sure to keep his shield up. “Sara, I know you’re in there. Please. It’s Ray. You remember me? I’m Ray.”

As if she didn’t know who he was. He was a target to be eliminated.

Rather than waste time by saying any of that, she came at him with fists and feet.

“You know me,” he insisted. “Your name is Sara Elizabeth Lance. You had an older sister named Dinah Laurel Lance but she went by Laurel.”

Laurel. She knew that name.

_“I love you, sis.”_

_“Always and forever.”_

“Shut up,” she ordered. She was the Asset. The Winter Soldier. Raymond Palmer was nothing but a mission.

“Come on, Sara. You remember me, I know you do.”

“No, I don’t,” she snapped, punching him. “You’re my mission. That’s it!”

“You do. You’ve known me since we were six and you stopped Mark Mardon from beating me up. You’re my best friend. You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a sister.” He tossed his shield out of the helicarrier. “So if you’re going to kill me, do it now.” He didn’t bother to defend himself as she knocked him to the floor. Instead, he smiled. “Because I love you. Always have, always will. And because I’ve got your back. I’m with you until the end of the line, remember?”

_“I’m Raymond Palmer. You can call me Ray though. Ma says that’s what friends do and we’re friends now.” He was scrawny and bruised and smiling._

_“I’m Sara Lance.”_

_Hunched shoulders and a wary expression. “So this is what I’ve been doing.”_

_“Building...what the hell is that thing, Ray?”_

_“Your ma’s going to flip if she hears you talking like that.”_

_“Better not tell her then.”_

_He was giving her that knowing look. “I love you, you know that right?”_

_She looked away. “Why wouldn’t I?”_

_“I don’t know. Why wouldn’t you?”_

_She was terrified. “And if I like both?”_

_Her smile. The one that had always been hers, that said you’re my best friend and an idiot but I love you. “Then I guess you get twice the amount of choices as the rest of us.”_

_Everything was foggy but one thing stood out. “Ray?”_

_“You look like shit, sis.”_

_She frowned. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Starling?” Her frown deepened. “And shorter?”_

_He grinned as he helped her sit up. “I’ll tell you later.”_

_She smiled at him. “I’ve got your back. I’m with you, Ray.”_

_A slow, small smile back. “Until the end of the line?”_

_“Until the end of the line.”_

Her eyes widened as she pulled back, fist frozen as she stared down at him. “Ray?” she whispered.

The bottom of the helicarrier fell out, taking Ray with it.

She wondered if her whisper rang in his ears as he fell.

~*~*~

The display at the museum was strange to look at. It was strange to look up and see a larger than life version of herself in uniform with Ray and the Howling Commandos and Anna Loring (threat level: moderate a voice in the back of her mind whispered). There were video clips of her with Ray and the others. There’s video of her punching Lewis Snart and she wondered who managed to sneak that in there. If Anna was still alive, Sara would place money on her. She couldn’t remember all of her missions yet though and so she wasn’t sure if Anna was someone she was sent after. She wasn’t sure she wanted to remember but she was sure that she’d force herself to do it anyway. She’d been the fist of Hydra.

She didn’t deserve to forget.

~*~*~

She wasn’t entirely Sara Lance but she wasn’t entirely the Winter Soldier. She honestly wasn’t sure who she was anymore.

Part of her wanted to run and go to another country and avoid Ray forever.

Part of her wanted to stay here and maybe avoid Ray for only a little while.

She wasn’t sure which was the best route to take so she decided to do something she’d been damn good at before and after becoming the Winter Soldier.

It was time, she decided, to do a little reconnaissance.

Ray was a part of the Avengers now which meant it was probably best to start with them.

~*~*~

Alexandra Danvers. Code name: Black Widow.

It was clear that Danvers knew she was being watched. Maybe not to anyone else but to Sara it was obvious after three weeks. It was in the tilt of her head, the sweep of her eyes, the forced nonchalance of her walk.

She never even got close.

Sara smirked. After all, she’d been the one to train the Black Widows years before.

She studied Danvers long enough to get a feel for where her loyalties lay. If she were like any other Black Widow, her loyalty would be to herself only.

It didn’t take her long to realize that Danvers had been compromised.

She was loyal to Ray. 

A part of Sara was glad that Ray had found someone that cared about him enough to overcome that training.

Another part of Sara filed the knowledge away as something that could be useful in the future.

~*~*~

Ronnie Raymond. Code name: Hulk.

He was harder to get a read on simply because while he left Avengers Tower (formerly Snart Tower she had read), he rarely did so.

So she read instead, gave herself homework and she learned about the way he and Caitlin Snow had experimented with the serum that had been given to her and Ray. She learned how it had turned him into the Hulk and how Dr. Snow’s father had been the one trying to hunt him down and use their experimentation to create more Hulks. How General Snow had instead created the Abomination.

General Snow was an idiot.

It didn’t take much to figure out that Ronnie Raymond was afraid of his other half. She’d overheard a few conversations while he’d been outside about how “the other guy” felt about things or about having to keep “the other guy” reigned in.

It was too bad that was the route he was taking.

The Hulk would be much easier for him to control if Raymond would learn to accept him.

~*~*~

Oliver Queen. Code name: Thor, God of Thunder.

Or maybe, Sara mused, it should be the other way around. His parents had named him after the god when his power and affinity for thunder had made itself known mere hours after his birth if she understood the file SHIELD kept on him correctly. Oliver Queen was the name he chose to use whenever he was on Earth.

He spent most of his time split between New York City and a small town in New Mexico where Dr. Felicity Smoak lived.

He was Asgardian royalty which meant that Sara didn’t buy the naïve playboy act he seemed to have going for him. He was a prince. He definitely knew more about politics and the like than he let on even if he chose to act as though he didn’t.

Still. Between his upbringing and the trouble his sister had caused, Oliver Queen must know how to play the game which meant it was smart to know where all the game pieces were. Her eyes moved over the map and settled on New Mexico.

Especially the ones that could also be considered a chink in his armor.

~*~*~

Roy Harper. Code name: Hawkeye.

SHIELD agent and one of their best assassins (and spies), Sara thought, tilting her head as she watched him from a few tables away. His code name gave away exactly how good his eyesight was and from what she’d seen, he preferred high up places. 

He’d been recruited by John Diggle and had a perfect record until he’d recruited Danvers instead of killing her. Apparently that was how you became best friends in this business.

But now? Now he was compromised thanks to Thea Queen using that scepter to control him. He’d been used against people he considered friends until Danvers brought him out of it but despite the load of PTSD that Sara knew very well came from being brainwashed, SHIELD’s therapists had cleared him for field duty extremely quickly.

Either Harper was a better actor than anyone gave him credit for or his therapists had been among the twelve percent of Hydra operatives and they figured what better way to screw SHIELD than ruining one of their best agents?

Sara would almost be impressed if it wasn’t one of the most idiotic and dangerous things she’d seen in a good long while.

Harper, she’d observed, had some truly magnificent anger management issues. If anyone else noticed it, they hadn’t said anything from what she could see. Instead, they all laughed with him when Harper grinned and cracked a joke. When he snapped at people or lost his temper quicker than expected, he brushed it off as having a bad day and they believed him. 

One of these days, that anger he was hiding from everyone was going to explode.

She wondered which of his teammates would be in the line of fire when it did.

~*~*~

Nate Heywood. Code name: Falcon.

Former Air Force though he’d left after his partner had been shot out of the sky. He wasn’t actually an Avenger but Ray had apparently adopted him and brought him home to keep because wherever Ray was is where Heywood was more often than not.

From what Sara could tell, Heywood was loyal to a fault. He and Ray had barely known each other as anything other than jogging buddies based on what she’d heard them saying and yet he was fully prepared to follow Ray no matter what. Literally—he’d moved from Washington, D.C. to New York City with very little fuss.

Which was good. Mostly. Except for the fact that, as much as she’d always loved Ray, he sometimes came up with horrible and awful plans and he needed someone that would call him out on that. From what she could see, Heywood was not going to be that guy.

She’d have to help out with that. Eventually.

Right now, she was still entirely too amused by the fact that he and Ray were running around trying to look for her all around the world when she was in the same city they usually lived in.

~*~*~

Leonard Snart. Code name: Iron Man.

The Merchant of Death. Captain Cold. The Man without a Heart. Leonard Snart had been called each of these by numerous people and Sara supposed she couldn’t blame them. He was very convincing. Sara could see the truth behind the public mask though.

Leonard Snart wasn’t a heartless bastard, he was the exact opposite.

What else could be concluded about a man that quite willingly changed Snart Tower to Avengers Tower and then promptly invited each of them to live there? Who saw the damage his weapons were doing and stopped making weapons? Who wanted to be held accountable for the weapons his company had built and for the actions he would take?

No, Snart was definitely not heartless. He just wanted people to believe he was.

He was also, oddly enough, the hardest one to get close to. As a civilian, it shouldn’t have been this difficult to get near him and gather intel. But he was always surrounded, whether it was by his PA turned CEO Barry Allen, his best friend Air Force Colonel Michael “Mick” Rory, or his bodyguard and driver Zari Tomaz. Recently, SHIELD’s former assistant director Lucy Lane had joined the group so she assumed that he’d hired her in the wake of Ray and Danvers’ _brilliant_ idea to dump all of SHIELD’s data on the internet. (One of Ray’s horrible ideas that should have been stopped because who knew how many non-Hydra SHIELD agents had been burned because of that stupid stunt?) He didn’t used to always be surrounded so she had to assume that that would taper off again soon.

She figured part of the reason he was so hard to get to was because of his AI. Sara was fairly certain that the AI monitored Snart’s surroundings from his phone or watch but she had no way to prove it. Maybe one day she’d get to ask.

But before she asked that, she’d probably ask what made him give the AI the name RIP. Either he had an incredibly morbid sense of humor (Rest In Peace, really?) or it was short for something he considered clever or it was a story that he’d never tell anyone.

Out of all of the Avengers, Sara thought that Leonard Snart was the best one to start with when it came to revealing she wasn’t actually in Russia like she’d made them believe by laying a trail for Ray or Heywood to find. (Ray was apparently of the opinion that she was flashing back and had gone there for the familiarity.)

She just had to figure out how.

~*~*~

Sara’s hands shook as she turned the shower knob as far left as it would go, closing her eyes as the water became scalding.

She didn’t care. It was better than the freezing cold she’d woken up with. The memories of falling, of hitting freezing cold water, of being pulled under, of waking up shivering every single time they brought her out of cryo.

Her dream (memory, memory, it was a memory) hadn’t centered on any of those but she was still freezing.

She’d killed Lewis. Not just Lewis but his wife as well.

Sara closed her eyes, remembering that dark stretch of road and the way her metal fist had repeatedly slammed into Lewis’ face after he’d recognized her ( _“Nurse Lance? Sara Lance?”_ ) and the way she’d wrapped her hand around Natalie Snart’s throat and squeezed until the life faded from her eyes.

Mission accomplished.

Her fingers curled as she forced back the bile that wanted to rise in her throat. Lewis Snart had been an ass and she could remember the smug smirk on her face after she’d punched him for grabbing her but now she wasn’t sure what to feel. 

Was it irony that she’d killed him by punching him in the face multiple times? She didn’t know.

She did, however, know what she needed to do next.

~*~*~

It took weeks to find what she needed, though not nearly as many as she had thought it would—then again, it was all there on the internet so of course it was almost easy to track once she knew what to look for—and put it together in a single file that she saved to a small jump drive.

Snart was out on his own for the third time in a week which meant it was time to move. She slipped easily into the crowd of people and followed him into a coffee shop that was crowded enough that she could get close without causing any suspicion. It was a matter of waiting for the right moment and she found it when someone bumped into him. She shifted and slipped the jump drive into his jacket pocket and then moved back as though she were trying to avoid being bumped into.

Part of her wanted to simply leave but that would look strange. Why go into a coffee shop and stand in line only to leave without getting anything? Instead, she waited and got a hot chocolate, leaving as soon as her cup was in hand. It wasn’t actually cold out but she didn’t care. She had discovered that she liked hot chocolate.

And she might as well enjoy it while she could.

The next time she saw Leonard Snart, she had a feeling he’d be there to kill her.

She’d probably let him.


	2. Chapter 2

The last thing that Leonard Snart expected to find when he reached into his pocket for his wallet was a jump drive nestled against it. He frowned and pulled it out, studying it as he swiped his card.

It definitely wasn’t his. As much as he tended to carry around certain spare tools and the like on him when he could get away with it, this wasn’t his jump drive so how the hell had it gotten into his pocket?

Obviously the only solution was to get back to the tower and plug it in to see what was on it.

He could practically hear Barry now. _“No, Leonard, that’s not the only solution. You could ask around or at least have RIP scan it before just plugging it in.”_

Mentally scoffing at the Barry in his head, he shook his head. Where was the fun in that?

He smirked and turned it over to look at the other side before sliding it back into his pocket. 

He’d look at it when he got back to the tower.

~*~*~

Note to self, Leonard thought as he fought the urge to break something, listen to inner Barry more often.

His mom. The Winter Soldier—Sara Lance—had killed his mom. 

And Lewis but Leonard had hated him to the point where he’d have killed Lewis himself if he’d gotten the chance. That had, frankly, been a favor. If his mom hadn’t been killed at the same time, Leonard would probably have thanked Sara Lance with a smile on his face.

But Natalie Snart had loved her children. She hadn’t always been the best mother out there but she’d damn well done her best. He thought of how she’d screamed and closed his eyes against the rage that was steadily building in him.

“RIP,” he said, “contact Mick and Barry and ask them to get here.”

“Of course, sir,” RIP replied.

Leonard didn’t think the worry in RIP’s voice was his imagination and he took a deep breath to try and calm himself, desperately hoping that Mick and Barry would be there soon.

He wasn’t sure what he’d do if he were left alone for too long but he was sure it’d be something stupid that he’d regret.

~*~*~

“Son of a bitch,” Mick said as he looked over the mission file that had described the hit on Natalie and Lewis Snart. He remembered what their deaths had done to Leonard back then when they’d been partway through their final year of college. He hadn’t been all that broken up over Lewis (not that Mick blamed him—Mick thought Lewis was an unmitigated asshole) but the fact that Lewis and his stupidity had killed Natalie had devastated him. Mick had been the one to pull him out, had become his anchor.

_“How am I supposed to take care of Lisa, Mick?” Leonard asked, staring down at the picture of his mom with him and his sister taken on his birthday that year before glancing to the couch where Lisa was curled up, asleep for the first time since the police had knocked on their door two days ago. “I can barely take care of myself.”_

_“Who said you had to do it alone, dumbass?” Mick asked, raising an eyebrow. He’d hopped on the first flight out when Leonard had called him and he hadn’t moved from Leonard’s side since._

_Leonard looked up at him, studying him for a few moments before he finally gave him a small smile._

Leonard looked over and took in the mixture of shock and anger on Mick’s face and Barry’s red eyes as he blinked back the tears that had appeared as they watched the video of Leonard’s parents being murdered. A few moments later, Barry had moved and stepped into Leonard’s personal space, wrapping his arms around Leonard.

For just a few seconds, Leonard let himself regret that things hadn’t worked out between him and Barry before he shoved that aside. He still had Barry as one of his closest friends and he couldn’t see anything wrong with that.

“I’m okay, Scarlet,” he whispered.

“No, you’re not,” Barry muttered, tightening his grip on Leonard.

“I will be.” He took a deep breath. “I will be.” Pulling back, he squeezed Barry’s arms lightly. “But, first, I need to call Lisa.”

~*~*~

Leonard tilted his head slightly as he studied his sister. “You’re not the least bit upset about this?”

Lisa sighed as she reached out and squeezed his hand briefly. “I’m upset, yes. She was my mom after all. But I’m not rage levels of upset the way I think you nearly are.” She sighed. “Lenny, I was five when they died. I have very vague memories of Mom and even less than that for Dad. When I think of parental figures, I think of you—“

“Oh Christ, Lisa, _why_?”

“—Rip and Miranda, and Aunt Anna,” she continued, ignoring his interruption. “You guys were the ones there for me growing up. And it’s not Mom’s fault she wasn’t there and, yes, there’s a part of me that’s pissed that I missed the chance to get to know her the way you knew her. There’s a part of me that wants to just cry because she didn’t have to die, she was murdered.”

“By Sara Lance,” Leonard said.

“By the Winter Soldier,” she corrected.

He scoffed. “Same difference.”

“No,” Lisa said, “it’s not. Look, you grew up hearing the same stories that I did. Probably more since Dad was all hung up on finding Palmer. Do you honestly think the Sara Lance that Aunt Anna told us about would ever have willingly killed Mom and Dad? Do you really think she’d willingly work for Hydra?” She paused and smiled at him slightly. “You’ve been coming at this as Leonard Snart, son of Natalie Snart. And that’s okay because that’s who you are. But you’re also a scientist, Lenny. You’re an engineer. You’re Dr. Leonard Snart and you need to look at it from that angle too.”

Leonard sighed. “Lisa...” He hated when she used logic against him.

She gave him a small smile. “What would Mom want you to do, Lenny?”

Fuck but his sister fought dirty. (Of course she did, he’d taught her to.) He closed his eyes in resignation as he remembered his mother telling him that forgiveness and giving second chances weren’t weaknesses but that he should always be sure that the person was deserving of both.

“I hate you sometimes,” he muttered. “RIP, get me any and all SHIELD and Hydra files pertaining to Sara Lance.”

“Already done, sir,” RIP assured him.

Leonard shot a mock glare in the direction of one of RIP’s cameras. “Thanks, Skynet.”

“On the contrary, sir, I’d never become anything like Skynet. You give me enough trouble on your own without me having to worry about the world.”

“The sass on you,” Leonard said, shaking his head.

“I’m sure I have no idea where I get that from.”

Lisa snorted, not bothering to hide her grin. “It’s genetic, RIP.”

“Like hell,” Leonard muttered. He glanced at the screens and sighed. “Guess I’ve got some reading to do.”

Lisa squeezed his hand again, kissing his cheek. “You’ve got this, big brother.”

~*~*~

Leonard wasn’t ashamed to admit that when he’d been younger, his first serious crush had been on Sara Lance. He’d seen the video clip of her punching his dad in the jaw and he’d fallen just a little bit in love. From that point on, he’d listened more closely than usual whenever Aunt Anna would tell stories about the war. A casual question about whether or not she and Lance had been friends just because of Captain America had gotten him a laugh and more stories.

Sure, he’d heard about Ray Palmer and how he’d become Captain America. But he’d been more interested in hearing about the woman that had been both nurse and mechanic, who had survived being held prisoner by Hydra and gone on to keep up with the Howlies on each mission to destroy another Hydra base, who had loved Palmer the way Leonard loved Lisa, who had apparently been capable of a level of sarcasm that matched Leonard’s according to Aunt Anna, and who had refused to stay behind for a mission even when it meant she risked never coming back.

Those stories and descriptions combined with the various video clips he’d seen had made him wish he could know Sara Lance in his own time. He remembered seeing those clips and thinking that even in black and white, she was vibrant. 

_Would that woman ever willingly work for Hydra?_

He knew the answer to that already though. She wouldn’t. Whether he looked at this as Leonard Snart, the guy who had liked Sara Lance so much that his first few girlfriends had been sassy blondes with blue eyes, or Dr. Leonard Snart, engineer and scientist, he always ended up coming to the same conclusion.

The Sara Lance that Aunt Anna had known wouldn’t have worked for Hydra. Not willingly.

Which led him to the logical conclusion that she’d been forced into it.

Now, he just had to go through these files and see if he could find out how.

~*~*~

Someone had taken the initiative to take the copies of the files going back to the 1940s and scan them into the system at some point so Leonard decided to start from the beginning when it came to the files about Sara Lance.

He threw up within the first twenty minutes.

After the first mention of her name, when they reported that Sara Lance would only be referred to as the Asset from that point on, there was no other mention of who she was. She was simply the Asset throughout the rest of the reports that describe the amputation of her arm and how they replaced it. The reports went into extreme detail when going over the various techniques they used to break Lance and brainwash her.

Then he got to the video and audio files and he had to throw up again.

He watched as she was brought out of cryo and he watched the look of terror and helplessness on Sara Lance’s face when she realized she was strapped down. He watched as she struggled and screamed and cried (but never begged, not once—he was torn between being impressed and horrified). And he watched as the final trigger word was spoken and everything that made her Sara Lance disappeared as if it never existed, replaced with the Winter Soldier.

_“Soldat?”_

_“Ya gotov otvechat’.”_

“RIP, translation?” he said, voice choked. He stood and moved to the small fridge he kept in the workshop, grabbing a water. He swished it around his mouth and spat it out before chugging half the bottle in one go.

“The trigger words, in order, are longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one, and freight car,” RIP told him and Leonard swore. He wondered if it had been deliberate to make that the final trigger word. A silent laugh at Lance’s expense since Hydra would never have gotten their hands on her if she hadn’t fallen from that train.

“And the rest?”

“The agent then calls her soldier. The response the Winter Soldier gives means ready to comply.”

Leonard’s lips twitched as he registered the way RIP deliberately differentiated between the Winter Soldier and Sara Lance before the translation registered and he closed his eyes.

Ready to comply.

No, that definitely hadn’t been Sara Lance.

“RIP, put all the suits on lockdown. I’m not to be allowed to take any of the suits out unless there’s an actual call to assemble. Otherwise, Lisa, Mick, and Barry all need to agree that it’s necessary for me to put on the suit.”

“And how long should this lockdown last, sir?”

Leonard glanced at the files. There was still plenty that he needed to go through and he knew that it was going to be as horrible as these early files. He also knew it was necessary because even though he’d just seen it, he needed to find out more. He needed to see if Lance had ever broken through her conditioning before this year.

He needed to see if there was anything of Sara Lance left under the Winter Soldier.

“Until I no longer want to punish Sara Lance for the crimes of the Winter Soldier.”

~*~*~

It took months to even start to make a dent in the files on Sara Lance and not just because there were so many. But he had been working with Lucy Lane to rescue as many SHIELD agents that had been out of the country on missions when the data dump happened. As much as Leonard wanted to go through the files, the rescue missions had to take priority. They needed to save as many agents as they possibly could.

Once those had begun to taper off, he turned to helping as many SHIELD agents as he could find a place—which meant that Snart Industries suddenly had many former SHIELD agents working there.

Lisa, proud as she was of how he’d taken so many of her fellow agents on, had refused to start working at SI. 

_“Absolutely not, Lenny. I’m taking my chances with the CIA,” she told him._

_He rolled his eyes. “If you insist, Agent 13.”_

_She threw her candy wrapper at him._

Barry had made it a point to keep him updated on how the new employees were settling in along with making sure he didn’t fall behind on his SI duties, no matter how often he tried to avoid said duties. 

Mick showed up at his place and instigated a movie night while they ordered in and ate food that probably wasn’t good for either of them. It reminded Leonard of the days after he’d come back from Afghanistan and he smiled slightly whenever he thought about it.

RIP, on the other hand, made sure he remembered that Sara Lance’s body might have been the one behind a number of assassinations but it hadn’t been her mind controlling her body.

Considering the long list of people killed (what had he expected with over seventy years’ worth of material to go through?) it was a reminder that he had needed multiple times.

What must it be like, he wondered, to do something simply because you were told to do? Even worse, what must it be like to break through that torture and brainwashing and realize the things you had done?

“RIP, you’ve continued going through the records for any mentions of Nurse Lance breaking her conditioning?”

“Just one, about ten years ago, sir. Sara Lance went off the grid, I believe is the saying, in the middle of a mission. It seems she managed to avoid Hydra for two years before they found her again. It took a number of agents to subdue her. The final thing that seemed to take her down was a sedative made for a super soldier.”

“Jesus,” he muttered. “Where was she when they caught up to her?”

“She was in Chicago, sir. It would seem she traveled to various cities, never staying too long. Chicago was where she stayed the longest,” RIP said.

“She got comfortable,” Leonard realized. “It’s a big city and she’s used to staying off the radar. She probably thought she’d found a place where she was safe.” And instead it was the place that she’d been captured again. He wondered how much of her movements in those two years were her own and how much was the Winter Soldier.

Or did neither personality become dominant when she broke through? Did she become some mix of Sara Lance and the Winter Soldier after so many years?

He sighed. “Is there footage of her in Chicago back then, RIP?”

“Hydra removed it, I would assume. However, I was able to gain access to Hydra’s system and I located the footage. They saved it.”

Leonard shook his head. Hydra was full of sick bastards but he wasn’t sure he was any better with the way he was going through every single record and every single bit of footage he could find. “Show me.”

His jaw clenched as he watched a woman that moved much more similar to Sara Lance than the Winter Soldier glance behind her before moving to cut through a park. It was already dark enough that the Hydra agents—six of them—hadn’t had any qualms in converging on her. She’d held her own for more than five minutes before one of the agents had gotten a lucky shot in and managed to cause her to drop to one knee. Even as she had twisted to grab that agent, another had slammed a needle into the curve of her neck and injected her with the sedative.

“Assholes,” he muttered, pushing back from the table his latest project was scattered across. He stood up and paced, mind racing.

She’d broken through once before and her instincts had led to her trying to escape. To hide from sight so that Hydra couldn’t find her. It was only when she’d felt comfortable enough to let her guard down that they’d found her.

There was something incredibly sad about that, Leonard decided. That in order to have any sort of freedom, she’d have to stay hypervigilant which meant she wasn’t really free at all. The second she tried to be something other than the soldier, she’d been captured again.

He wondered what that meant for her state of mind now.

~*~*~

Leonard twisted the jump drive that had started everything months ago. He had a feeling that he knew exactly who had gotten this to him but he needed to be sure. Not only would it tell him a hell of a lot about Sara Lance but it would also cause him an endless amount of amusement that Palmer and Heywood were running around Russia looking for her.

“RIP, I need to know how this jump drive got into my pocket all those months ago.” He spun his chair to stare at schematics he’d been working on. “Can you bring up the security footage for the coffee shop I was in on that date?”

“Of course I can, sir.” RIP sounded vaguely offended by the implication that he couldn’t do something as easy as pull up old security footage.

Leonard was certain that the jump drive had been put in his pocket while at the coffee shop. There was a slight possibility of it happening here at the tower but no one had bumped into him here, it hadn’t been in his jacket pocket when he’d put his wallet in there (something that drove Zari, Barry, and Mick nuts but he did it rarely so he didn’t see the big deal), and Zari had driven him to the coffee shop because she was bored and wanted something to do so there’d been no chance for anyone to bump into him on the way there either.

No, the only place anyone had bumped into him was at the coffee shop where he’d found the jump drive when he’d gone to pay for his drink.

“Scan the footage for a match to Sara Lance. I have a feeling she was there that day.”

It took RIP less than an hour to find Sara Lance in the coffee shop. Leonard watched as RIP zoomed in on her and he raised an eyebrow as he watched her enter and walk up behind him. He hadn’t even realized he was being followed, especially since he’d been in a damn car. But if she’d observed him then it wouldn’t have taken long for her to figure out that on days he was running late, he would stop at that coffee shop.

“She’s good,” he muttered to himself as he watched her back away from him. Even though he’d been watching for it, he hadn’t actually seen her hand enter his pocket. He only knew that was the moment she’d given him the jump drive because of how close she’d stood by him before backing away. She ordered a drink, paid, and then left after she had her drink in hand. “She’s damn good.”

Well, of course she was good. She'd been the Winter Soldier for seventy years after all. But he wondered if being able to pick pocket like that came from growing up when she did. 

Either way, he’d learned how to pick pocket people at a young age and gotten damn good at it because it annoyed Lewis so the fact that he hadn’t felt a thing told him a lot about her level of skill.

He blew out a breath. He still had a long way to go before he was finished going through all the files and records about Sara Lance. But Leonard could finally say that he didn’t blame her for the death of his mother.

Oh, he knew he still had his issues to work out but he had definitely reached the point where he thought it was safe to try and find her. Talk to her maybe.

“RIP, can you start trying to find where Sara Lance is now?” he asked.

“I can, sir, but Mr. Palmer and Mr. Heywood have had me doing the same thing with Ms. Danvers help and we haven’t found her yet. Unless you know something they don’t.” RIP’s voice was a mix of scolding and amused and Leonard smirked. AI’s couldn’t experience emotions, his ass.

“Don’t I always?”

“Well, it’s definitely not how to be modest, sir.”

“I’m going to sell you to Google.”

“So you’ve said before. I have my doubts however.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. “The things I put up with from you, RIP.”

“Yes, it’s quite the hard knock life you lead, sir.”

No respect, Leonard thought, shaking his head. He got absolutely no respect.

~*~*~

“Mr. Snart, I’ve found Sara Lance,” RIP said. Leonard stopped what he was doing and pushed up the safety goggles he had on.

“That was quick,” he said.

“I don’t believe she is trying as hard to hide as before thanks to the false trail she seems to have laid for others to follow.”

Leonard smirked. “False trail?”

“Nurse Lance is currently living just on the other side of town in a small apartment,” RIP said. “It would seem the trail she left heading towards Russia was simply to draw attention away from here.”

He let out a short burst of laughter. “I knew it!” He thought of the way Hydra agents were trying to find her in other countries and how Palmer and the others were in Russia and smirked, shaking his head.

Sara Lance was leading them on an international wild goose chase.

“Send her address to my phone, RIP,” Leonard said. He took a deep breath.

It was time to pay Sara Lance a visit.


	3. Chapter 3

Sara kept her gaze forward as she jogged around the lake that was in the center of the park. She had made sure to wear gloves and a zip up hoodie so that no one would notice her metal arm. Thankfully, the weather was chilly enough that she could get away with that. She wasn’t sure what she’d do if she were still around when summer came.

She supposed she’d figure it out.

The knock off iPod she’d gotten a few months ago switched to the next song and she allowed herself a brief smile as the notes of Highway to Hell blasted in her ears, despite the lowered volume.

Points for super soldier serum.

She’d spent time researching all the things that had changed and that she couldn’t remember so that she’d actually know what kind of advancements had been made over the years. She was figuring what she liked and didn’t like when it came to things like music, books, movies, and TV shows.

Music and books were probably her favorite though. She’d discovered that she preferred to listen to jazz when she cleaned, rock when she was exercising, and country when she wanted to relax and read. She liked reading murder mysteries, autobiographies, humor, and fantasy. She enjoyed reading articles and journals about science and technology. (There was a reason she had helped Ray out with his inventions.) She had, after a few weeks of deliberation, started reading a few psychology books as well.

Might as well know how badly Hydra had screwed her over.

What she found was more questions. Was the Winter Soldier a separate personality? Was she a part of her mind that had taken over to protect the more vulnerable parts of her mind—the things that made her Sara Lance when growing up? How bad was her PTSD? Because there was no doubt that Sara had some form of PTSD.

The answer to the first question, at least, was easy. The Winter Soldier didn’t seem to be a separate personality, otherwise she wouldn’t be remembering the things she had done. At least, that was the theory. She supposed it could be argued that the two personalities of Sara Lance and the Winter Soldier were merging and therefore allowing her to remember things that each personality had gone through. Sara could admit she’d probably need to speak to a professional to actually find that out but it was too big of a risk right now. Her guesses and assumptions would have to be enough for the moment. 

She sighed and began to head back to her apartment, which she could only afford because she’d managed to...appropriate...the necessary funds from a few of the Hydra agents she’d hunted down after the data dump.

It had been enough to get her current identification and it was enough that she hadn’t had to go find a job yet. She paid rent for a small apartment that had come fully furnished and other bills. It was enough for now.

But sooner or later she would have to look into using her new ID to get a job. Which would probably mean dipping into her funds to build up the identity more so that a deeper background check wouldn’t draw any red flags.

Another thing she’d have to think about later.

For now, she would continue to keep to herself and stick to her routine.

And wait to see how long it would take Leonard Snart to come looking for her.

~*~*~

She could feel the difference in her apartment the second she walked in. Rather than react, she closed the door and pulled out her ear buds, beginning to wrap them around her iPod.

“It took you much longer than I expected to come find me,” she said, putting the iPod on the side table before heading into the kitchen where Leonard Snart had made himself at home with a cup of coffee. He probably looked completely relaxed to most people but she could see the tension in his shoulders.

He studied her for a few moments as she pulled a cup out of the cabinet. Neither of them said anything as she made herself a cup of hot chocolate. As she leaned against the counter facing the table and took a sip, he said,

“I was busy.”

She hummed as she took another sip. “Right. Cleaning up Ray and Alexandra’s mess from the data dump.” She shook her head. “That was a terrible idea.”

He smirked in acknowledgement and then paused. “You know Alex?”

“I trained Alex,” she said, a bit amused. “Hydra loaned me out to the Red Room for a while. I trained a number of Black Widows.”

Leonard blinked a few times as he took that in and then he nodded. “I didn’t think Hydra would be the types to...” He trailed off, frowning as he considered how to finish the sentence.

“The types to lend out their assets?” Sara finished. Off of Leonard’s look of surprise, she smiled slightly. “They called me that to my face, Mr. Snart. It wasn’t a secret what I was to them.”

Leonard studied her, head tilted. “You escaped once.”

Well, he’d certainly done his research, hadn’t he? “I did. I don’t remember much but I remember...” She sighed as she looked towards her window. “I remember I was free for a while.”

“You don’t remember?”

Her gaze returned to him briefly before moving back to the window. “No,” she said. “I don’t remember much. But the longer I’m away from them, the easier the memories start to come back.” She paused and then looked directly at Leonard. “When I remembered what I’d done to your parents, I figured you deserved to know.”

He blew out a breath, his fingers tightening around his cup. “You don’t hold back, do you?”

She shrugged. “I don’t see the point.”

“No, you never did according to Aunt Anna,” he said. He watched as her eyes lit up at Anna’s name.

“Anna,” she whispered, smiling a bit. “I remember Anna.” Sara laughed. “She was one of the only people that didn’t automatically assume there was something romantic between me and Ray. As soon as I realized that, I told him I approved and to make a move.” The smile disappeared from her face as she realized this was the chance to get the answer she hadn’t been able to bring herself to search for. She hesitated and then took a deep breath. “Is she...is Anna still alive?” _Did Hydra send me after her too?_

His eyes softened slightly. “She is,” he said. He hesitated. “She’s not well though. Alzheimer’s. On her good days, she knows who people are and what year it is. On bad days, she thinks the war is still going on or that it’s the days not long after she got married.” He shook his head. “I know Palmer would prefer to visit her more often than he does but when she sees him looking the exact same age as he did back then...”

“It confuses her,” Sara said.

Leonard nodded. “Once he realized seeing him was causing her more bad days than good, he cut his visits back.” He blew out a breath and met her gaze directly. “But, no, as far as I know, you and Aunt Anna never encountered each other after you...well, after.”

“Good. That’s good.” She took another sip. “So, Mr. Snart, I assume you came here for a reason.”

“I’m...not honestly sure why I came today,” he admitted. “I found out you were living just across town from me, laughed for a few minutes that I was right and you were here instead of in Russia, then I just decided to come here.”

Sara’s lips twitched. “Well, I have to admit, I’ve spent some time amusing myself with the idea of everyone going off on a wild goose chase.”

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “Even Palmer?”

Guilt flickered over her face. “I’m maybe more grateful in that case. Ray...” She sighed. “I know Ray. Once he tracks me down, he’s going to go into overprotective mode and at the same time, he’s going to try and help me remember who I was before.”

“You don’t want that?”

Sara met his gaze directly. “I’d rather figure out who I am now.”

~*~*~

Leonard stared at the woman he’d been ready to, at the very least, dislike. Instead, he found himself liking her and respecting her. Especially after that last sentence.

“How are you doing at that so far?” he asked as if he hadn’t poked through her shelves when he’d broken in.

The guilt slid back to amusement. “Shouldn’t you know the answer to that after looking through my things, Mr. Snart?” She grinned when he failed to hide his surprise. “You set my book down too far to the left.”

Leonard’s eyes snapped to the book he’d glanced over before setting it back down in what he’d thought was the same spot it had been before. Looking back at her, he nodded. 

“You’re good,” he said.

Her lips twitched. “I know.”

Leonard couldn’t help it. He laughed. “And clearly modest.”

She shrugged. “Why bother? I know I’m good and obviously you do too. It’s only a downside if I brag about it all the time and that’d be counterproductive. Most people look at me and underestimate me. They wouldn’t do that if I went around bragging about my skills.”

No, they wouldn’t. They’d look at her like she was an absolutely terrifying woman. 

Then again, Leonard had his suspicions that Sara Lance had been terrifying _before_ she’d become the Winter Soldier.

“I suppose they wouldn’t,” was all he said after a few moments. She smirked as though she knew exactly where his thoughts had gone and took another long sip of her hot chocolate rather than answer.

The silence stretched between them and Leonard let himself get a bit lost in thoughts as he drank his coffee.

Sara Lance wasn’t anything like what he’d been expecting. He’d been expecting someone completely paranoid. Or at least someone that was noticeably paranoid. But the only sign that he’d seen of it was the way that she had made sure she could see the door and the windows from her position. She hadn’t stared him down at all. She had, in fact, willingly looked away from him.

He’d thought she’d be more serious, more tense. Instead, she smirked and smiled and laughed. There was guilt there, he didn’t doubt that. Both for the things that she’d done as the Winter Soldier and for the fact that she was actively avoiding Palmer to the point that she was sending him off to Russia.

Leonard remembered the look on her face when she’d said she remembered being free and felt something twist inside him. As carefree as Sara might act, he had a feeling that she was very much on guard.

She’d already lost her freedom twice before to Hydra.

He didn’t think she’d allow them to capture her a third time.

“How safe is this place?” And how the hell was she paying the rent?

Sara glanced towards the other room then back at him. “As safe as I can make it.” She sighed. “I hide in plain sight. I go jogging in the park every day, I pay the rent in cash, I’ve created a false ID.” She frowned. “I’ll have to do more on that front though. Soon, probably.”

Leonard’s eyebrows shot up as she listed what he was sure were just a few things that she was doing. “Really?”

She nodded. “The funds used to belong to a few Hydra agents. I drained their accounts and converted it all to cash. I didn’t want to risk a paper trail with a bank in case Hydra had a way to track the money.” She lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. “It wouldn’t do for a bank account to open that had the exact amount of money that had been taken.” She shook her head. “With the way I always keep myself covered up so no one sees my arm and the fact I pay in cash, I’m pretty sure the landlord thinks I’m hiding from an abusive partner.”

“I wouldn’t say partner but abusive, yes,” Leonard said. Her eyes snapped to his and he raised an eyebrow. “Am I wrong?”

She studied him for a few moments. “You probably enjoy whenever you end up being right, don’t you?”

His lips twitched. “Are you implying something, Nurse Lance?”

She snorted. “I flat out said it.”

“That you did,” he agreed. He paused. “What are your plans?”

She set down her cup. “I suppose that depends on you now.”

Although he had a feeling he knew where she was going with that train of thought, he still frowned. Better to be sure. “Me?”

Her lips twisted into a smirk. “Are you here to kill me, Mr. Snart? Or just have a bit of conversation over a couple of hot drinks?”

~*~*~

Maybe, Sara thought, she shouldn’t have put it quite so bluntly. Because for all that Leonard Snart seemed to enjoy shocking people, he hadn’t quite seen that one coming.

It wasn’t every day that you were asked if you were there to kill a person, after all.

Or, well, not if you were Leonard Snart apparently.

Alexandra was probably used to it.

The thought made her lips twitch and she watched as Leonard raised an eyebrow in response.

“What makes you think I’m going to kill you rather than turn you in?” he asked as if he hadn’t already admitted to being unsure of why he’d come. Note to self, Sara, asking repeat questions in a different way probably won’t get you an answer.

“You’d have done that already. Not to mention the only person outside is the art student that’s been trying to finish his painting for a month. And even if you had your AI alert someone, there’s still time for me to get out of here.”

“Unless I send one of my suits.”

“You wouldn’t risk the civilians.”

He smirked. “Caught me.” He studied her as if he wasn’t quite sure what to make of her. “I’m not here to kill you. I put all my suits on lockdown until I don’t feel like doing that.”

Well, she couldn’t fault him for that. She nodded in understanding and raised an eyebrow at him, her expression similar to the one he’d given her earlier.

As if she’d spoken out loud, Leonard sighed in response. “I don’t know why I’m here. I stopped wanting you dead but it’s not like I’m ready to become best friends or something either. I just...” He shrugged. “I just had to come.”

He looked a bit lost and frustrated and so Sara nodded. She understood needing to do something even if you couldn’t quite explain why you had to do it. 

“I get that,” was all she said.

Leonard studied her. “I guess you would,” he agreed.

And really what more could she say to that?

~*~*~

The silence stretched between them again and Leonard fought back another sigh. He shouldn’t have come here without a plan. He always made sure that he had a plan before doing something.

Until now.

Instead, he’d heard he was right about where Sara Lance lived and he’d decided to go see it for himself and damn everything else. He’d just gone to her apartment and broken in to wait for her while drinking her coffee after looking through her stuff.

This was probably the exact situation Barry meant when he said Leonard needed to learn boundaries.

Well, maybe not exactly this situation. How often did a person meet the person that had been brainwashed into an assassin that killed their parents after all?

Leonard was pretty sure he was unique when it came to that one.

There was something that he wondered about though and rather than try to figure it out himself, he decided to simply ask.

“How are you handling it?” He wet his lips quickly and decided to just push through the rest. “Remembering, I mean?”

She glanced towards the window as she sucked in a breath and he fought not to wince. Maybe asking that so bluntly hadn’t been the best choice. But it was something he needed to address and he wasn’t about to back down now that the question was out there.

After a few more moments of silence, Sara looked back at him. “It’s slow going. I’m sure you saw some of the books I have on the matter. I debated on whether or not the Winter Soldier was a separate personality that I’d created or not but I don’t think that’s true. If it is, then the personality is merging with mine since I have the memories.” She shook her head. “They come in bits and pieces. There’s very few things that I remember completely. I don’t know if I’ll ever really remember all of it.” She smiled slightly and the expression was more sad than happy. “I remember I had a sister. I remember her name was Laurel. I barely remember what her voice sounded like. I don’t even remember her favorite color. I don’t remember my parents.”

Leonard’s throat tightened as she looked away, lips pressed tightly together in what he imagined was an effort stop herself from saying anything else. He couldn’t imagine knowing that Lisa existed but remembering nothing about her. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to remember absolutely nothing about your parents.

“I could try and help,” he said suddenly. He fought to keep the surprise he felt at himself from showing on his face.

Sara’s gaze snapped towards him. “What?”

“I have a sister,” he said. “And I can’t imagine not remembering her.” Leonard shrugged. “And as much as I hated Lewis and would love to forget him, I can’t imagine not being able to remember my mom either.” He shook his head when she lowered her eyes. “That’s not...I’m not trying to throw that in your face or anything. I just...” He trailed off and waited until Sara looked back up. “Hydra took a lot from you. Decades where you could have lived your life. Your family. Palmer. The chance to have a family of your own if that’s something you ever wanted.”

“I was never sure,” she said quietly. She hesitated and studied him. He wasn’t sure what she saw but whatever it was, it allowed her to make her choice. He watched as she lifted her chin slightly, defiance in her eyes and, despite everything, it was suddenly very easy to remember why she’d been his first crush. “I was busy dealing with the realization that I found women just as attractive as men. More attractive a lot of the time.”

He blew out a breath, suddenly understanding why she’d been so hesitant. If that had gotten out back then, she’d have been discharged at the very least. Hell, he knew men caught with other men had been thrown in concentration camps. Who knew what they’d do if they found a woman with another woman?

He was sure that he never wanted to find out.

“It’s not illegal anymore,” he told her softly. 

“I know,” she said. “I also know plenty of people don’t think it’s a valid way of life and that it’s only a phase.”

“I’m not one of them,” he said simply. He had no idea how much she’d looked into different sexualities so he wasn’t going to go in depth about it with her but he’d at least make sure she knew he wasn’t going to judge. He smiled slightly when she allowed herself to relax a bit. “I just meant that if it was something you wanted, Hydra shouldn’t get to take that from you. Just like they shouldn’t get to take those memories of your family.”

“I’ve looked into it,” she said. “I haven’t been able to find anything that would help. At least, nothing that I would trust not to trigger the Winter Soldier.”

Which was an excellent point, Leonard acknowledged. “I could help,” he repeated.

Sara narrowed her eyes a bit. “How?”

“That part is still a work in progress,” Leonard admitted. “But I know I want to figure it out.”

As if a switched had been flipped, Leonard got it. This was why he’d come here. He needed to do this. Sara Lance wasn’t a coldblooded killer. She wasn’t a saint. She was a person. One that had meant something to Aunt Anna, who he loved almost as much as his own mother, and to Ray Palmer, who might be one of the most self-righteously annoying people he’d ever met but was also his teammate and, God help him he was never admitting this out loud, his friend.

He knew he could do it. It might take a while but he could give Sara Lance her past back. He could help her figure out who she was now and who she wanted to be in the future. Someone other than Nurse Lance, Captain America’s best friend, someone other than the Winter Soldier, the Fist of Hydra. 

His mother would have done it, he was sure. He knew Rip and Miranda would have. And he knew Lisa would as well.

This, he figured, was probably what closure felt like.

“What do you say, Lance? You up for it?”

~*~*~

This definitely hadn’t been what she’d expected when she’d sent the information about his parents to Leonard Snart, Sara thought. She’d expected him to be furious at her, for obvious reasons, and she’d expected him to come after her. Maybe ask her a few questions to satisfy his curiosity. But even with that, she’d expected it to end in a confrontation.

Instead, he was offering to help her.

She frowned as she turned the offer over in her mind, looking for the catch and grateful he was giving her the time to think it over.

There were a number of reasons that Leonard could be making this offer for. Offering to help her could be a way to get her into his tower and locked up. If there was a place strong enough to hold the Hulk in there, there was definitely a place strong enough to hold her. Hell, maybe he’d just hand her over to some remnants of SHIELD the first chance he got. Then again, since he seemed to have hired a good portion of the SHIELD agents and scientists screwed over with Ray and Alexandra’s plans, maybe he’d just hand her over to his employees.

Or maybe this was a genuine offer. She’d been good at reading people, even before Hydra had gotten their hands on her but she’d gotten even better at it after becoming the Winter Soldier. She knew when she was being lied to and her instincts were telling her that he meant what he said.

Leonard Snart could help her.

Still, she couldn’t just agree. Not without making a few things clear.

“Ray doesn’t find out,” she said after the silence had begun to stretch out between them again.

He raised an eyebrow. “I can agree to that, I suppose. Why though?”

“The same reason I’ve been sending him all over the world,” she told him. “Ray will want to help me remember who I was. From what I can see, he loves the future and the tech but when it comes to people...”

“He’s stuck in the past?”

She smiled slightly. “A little. He’s got you and the other Avengers and Nate Heywood but he still goes to visit Anna like clockwork, just less often than he used to, goes to the Captain America exhibit at least twice a week when he’s in town just so he can watch the video clips, and I followed him to Starling City at least three times where he wandered through our old neighborhood. Otherwise, he was just doing missions for SHIELD. Now he goes out searching for me.”

Leonard’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I knew he was having more trouble adjusting than he let on but I didn’t realize he was, well, revisiting his past so often.”

Sara nodded. “Which is why I don’t want to involve him. Not yet at least. I want to figure myself out before I let him know I’m here.”

“So you don’t feel like you have to act a certain way just for him,” Leonard said, giving her a knowing look.

“Exactly.” She shook her head. “So, if I agree to this, I don’t want him to know.”

He nodded slowly. “Done. I can give you one of the unused floors in the tower if you want. I was going to say you could use Palmer’s but if you don’t want him to know yet, you’ll want something separate.” He tilted his head at her. “You realize Alex will probably figure it out, right?”

She scoffed. “Please. I followed her around for at least three weeks and she still couldn’t find me. She won’t know I’m there. Roy Harper and his adventures in your vents would be more likely to find me. He’s less likely if I have a floor more towards the middle of the tower though. From what I could tell, he only explores the upper floors because that’s where you’ve given each of them space.”

Leonard stared at her. “How long have you been watching all of us?”

She smirked. “I spent a few weeks watching each of you or researching you in Oliver Queen’s case since he seems to rarely be on Earth. But I learned about his trip to New Mexico and anything else I could.”

“Jesus,” Leonard muttered. “No one mentioned feeling like they were being followed. Hell, I didn’t even notice it. The only reason I knew was because you planted that jump drive on me.”

She lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. “If it makes you feel better, you were the hardest one to do surveillance on. Your RIP is very watchful and protective. I had to time it carefully and then make sure Allen, Rory, and Tomaz each got back to their own routines instead of sticking close to you before I could get the information to you.”

He stared at her. “You’re...incredibly thorough.”

One corner of Sara’s mouth lifted slightly. “I learned my lesson about letting my guard down. I wasn’t making any sort of move until I had a feel for each of you.”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I can see why you’d do that.” Leonard let out a breath. “So, no telling Palmer or the others you’re there and a floor near the center of the tower instead of near the top. Anything else?”

Sara met his gaze, her eyes suddenly hard. “If this is a trick, I won’t hesitate to go through you.” She had no issues with facing what she’d done but if Leonard Snart wanted her to pay for what she’d done to his parents, he’d better damn well be upfront about it rather than offering to help her and then turning on her.

He didn’t even look offended at the implication. “I’m a lot of things, including an asshole, but I try to avoid stabbing people in the back when I’ve offered to help them.”

“Unless they give you a reason,” she said, thinking about the way he’d taken out the people using his weapons against the very soldiers they were supposed to protect.

He inclined his head in acknowledgement. “Exactly.” He met her gaze, his eyes cold. “Which means if you try to hurt any of my people, I won’t hesitate to take you out.”

Oddly enough, that was more reassuring to her than anything else other than his promise that Ray wouldn’t know. She relaxed, allowing herself to give him a small smile and fighting not to laugh when he couldn’t quite hide his surprise over her reaction to his threat.

“Not something most people would smile at,” he observed.

“I’m not most people,” she said.

Leonard’s lips twitched. “No, you’re really not.”

She pushed away from the counter and moved towards him, smirking a bit when he stood as soon as she did. She weighed the options of taking him up on his offer or rejecting it and disappearing again before making her decision.

She was tired. She wanted to know who she had been and who she was. She needed to.

Taking a deep breath, Sara nodded and held out a hand.

“Okay, Snart,” she said. “You’ve got a deal.”

Leonard smiled as he took her hand. “You won’t regret it, Lance. I promise.”

Sara gave him a slow smile. “I’m going to hold you to that.”


End file.
